writing
you say that you wanted me, only me
you'd wait until the end of time,
however long it would take.
but I didn't want that for us,
or for there to even be an us.
we tore down our walls.
only to build them back up higher.
you said that it was always me,
but now it's all about her.
which her?
the one you hideaway,
to play with my feelings within.
shine glimpses of into my eyes,
only to keep her in the dark.
or the one who you cannot name,
because you want me to find her,
you keep her locked in that tower,
and she is not the one for you.
or the one that I truly do not know,
or only wish I didn't.
you knew that this one
would hurt me the most,
if only you hadn't let her in.
or me? the on you have forgotten exists,
disappearing into the shadows
of our memories past.
Rick
One morning you wake up,
Everything feels different
You know the truth, everyone knows the truth.
Aches build and tears flow,
Seemingly endless as they day goes on.
Too early for sunrise, too late for sunset.
But you left your habits in my soul
Your thoughts in my head,
Spinning, wrapped around the facts
That I did not, could not
Would never accept as truth.
The thoughts were killing,
Memories eating away by the day.
The pain was too much,
And nothing would ever be enough,
Ever again.
And yet, I digress.
We lived on.
Pain still lingering,
Never wanting to leave me alone,
Peeking in through the holes that you left in me,
Which would one day,
Open up for you.
The only one to Fear
There is nothing to fear my dear,
It cautioned into my beckoning ears.
Feeding off the reassurance
It doesn’t get worse from here.
It held my hand
Into the darkest of despairs,
–None unlike those I had already met–
Further into my affairs.
Lessons taught along the way
To never mimic it’s actions.
Unless I seek the hatred,
That begs and begs to stay.
Never hiding, never there.
Unspoken tension clouding the air,
Holding us back from reaching at all.
Inevitably missing our true call.
Manipulated by its own selfish ways
It encouraged us all to drift away.
Never truly knowing why,
We fear all in nothing of you.
unknown to him
You liked the way she danced.
Not because of the way her body moved,
But the way her fingertips told a story
And how her face didn’t skip a beat.
She danced without forgiveness
And he wasn’t asking for it,
But neither were you.
You sat across the table,
Watching her from a distance.
Wishing that your eyes could meet,
For but a split-second sliver of her time.
But her gaze was locked in on his
wandering eyes of the crowded night.
But your eyes did not wander.
They watched her hands
Fulfilled in his,
Wishing they were your own.
You sat and dreamed,
And dreamed some more,
Clouding your insecurities.
You Don’t Really See Me
My heart and soul,
Cascading off my tongue
A downpour of despair.
You hear my every word.
But were you really listening?
Grasping onto every word
As if it were your last breath?
You read my lips.
Acknowledge their movement.
But cannot unravel the meaning
That I have spun up for you.
You see my face
Right here, right now
But do you even recognize me?
In a crowd full of familiarity
My face, my lips, my hair.
Am I really home to you?
Oh, yes you see right through me,
And even though you’re standing here,
I feel as if I am alone.
In the Arms of Harm
She could barely keep her eyes open
Fluttering and struggling,
Vulnerability at its finest.
Entering into a state of comfort
Where nobody,
Nothing at all,
Could damage her.
If they would close
Slowly,
Softly,
Silently,
It would be forgotten,
Everything could disappear.
But the light
Kept them flickering,
Painfully securing them back into life
Keeping them awake,
Drawing a close to the satisfaction
Of being taken away from misery.
It brought them back to despair,
Re-entering this world
A place known as home
Where light matches dark,
But the dark keeps her safe.
MANNERS
Please.
Read this out loud.
It sounds better
To let the words flow
Into their ocean eyes.
Don’t stop.
They’ll say shut up,
But
It is not nonsense.
Real life.
Read this out loud.
Don’t brood around them.
Sit in your solitude
–Silence, even better–
Worrying about
Stop.
How you will never see
The end.
Keep sounding out the words
You’re not there yet
Not quite.
Make up your mind.
Past lives
Are not worth living.
So move
On.
Thank you.